


Change Isn't the Only Constant

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Joker loves Batman, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Joker takes stock of the new team.





	Change Isn't the Only Constant

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place post-Battle for the Cowl, no specific spoilers. Dick is Batman, Damian is Robin, and Joker is disappointed.
> 
> Prompt: "In With the New."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal Jan. 11th, 2010.

Joker enjoyed meeting each new Robin as he (or that one time, she) came along. The lads were different heights, and had different fighting styles, but always the same hair and eyes. Where Batsy found them all, he didn’t know. But it was always a pleasure to see the new kid and learn how he ticked.

Not that he didn’t love the ever-present brooding shadow that was his Batman. It was just that the sidekick was a nice complement to the Bat. Except when it got in the _way_.

But generally, new Robins, yes, always a good time, especially if they were foolhardy, but a new Batman… No, it just would not _do_.

Joker watched with disgust as Batman— _a_ Batman—exited the Batmobile. He’d been right when he’d thought Batsy was acting differently on their last date. Joker’d been knocked out before he could quite tell. But here…

With this Batman was a short Robin. Definitely not the normal short Robin. This one was clearly younger, and even just walking had an attitude.

From his perch on the roof above them, Joker watched as the bird and rodent discussed something. Perhaps a warning for the bird to watch himself around the Joker? He smirked as he relived some of the fun he’d had with previous Robins. Surprising that this Batman would bring the tyke along at all.

Shame on this Batman—he didn’t seem to realize they were being watched. As if the Joker’d have set Harley loose as bait to draw out the Dark Knight and then _not_ be there at the appointed time and place. For shame indeed.

But he needed to _know_. It had been awful the last time his Batman wasn’t underneath the cowl for an extended period. No fun at all!

And it _hurt_ this time, that Batman just up and left. No respect at all.

But it couldn’t be for forever, right? This was just another temporary replacement? What would he _do_ if it wasn’t?

Watching more closely, the man’s height, build, jawline… Yes. That was definitely Nightthing under the cowl. Joker could tell. He’d dallied with the young man often enough, even though his eyes were always on the older, stronger, less mouthy vigilante.

He wondered what happened to the other bird boy, the serious one who’d disappeared once before. Maybe he was gone for good this time as well. …they didn’t run away _together_ , did they?

Suddenly the new Bat looked up and immediately shot one of those grappling gun lines towards him. Of course he’d be seen eventually. They only had to look up. He danced away from the edge of the roof and heard another line being shot. It was almost show time.

Almost.

Almost…

…What was taking so long?

Joker didn’t even have time to turn around before something slammed into his back, knocking him down. He was able to wriggle out of Batthing’s grip, which was nowhere near as much fun as it used to be, and across the roof. When he got to his feet, Batjerk was crouched in a position to strike, like a constipated lion. He had one gloved hand raised to the side. Ah, he was holding back Robin Junior. Wouldn’t want him to get too close.

Nothing good happened to Robins who got too close to Joker.

…nothing good for _them_ , anyway.

“Batbrain! So nice of you to come, even though you didn’t RSVP.”

“Wanted to make a stylish entrance.”

“Silence!” Batwing almost jerked upright at Joker’s angry bellow. “I never invited _you_. I invited _my_ Batman! And you _are not_ him.”

“I can show you identification.”

“With your fist, I’m sure. You’re such a clever lot.” Joker sniffed indignantly.

“What do you want, Joker? Any words before we take you back to Arkham?”

Already this was all wrong. The real Batman would be trying to take him out already. Binding him, getting close to strap his arms to his sides… This one was just going to _talk_ to him. He was like Harley but without the pigtails.

“You’re not the Batman. I have nothing to say to you.” He reached into his suit coat. “I do, however, have something to give you.”

Suddenly moving quickly, Joker pulled out of his pocket his trusty revolver, remodified to shoot real bullets again. He got off one quick shot towards the bastardized Dynamic Duo before a Batarang knocked the weapon out of his hand. Then he was knocked down from the side, and a weight settled on his back and arms.

Then what could only be a boot pressed down on his head. He could see the toe of the other one; it was small and green. Robin. Which meant non-Batsy was the one on top of him. The deduction was confirmed when the imposter leaned down and hissed, “You’re only lucky you just caught my cape. I may not be as forgiving as ‘your’ Batman when it comes to lunatics trying to kill me.” The words were accented by Batthing twisting his arms up and back to bind them.

It hurt.

And not in a good way.

Birdbrain ground his boot harder against Joker’s head, rubbing his other cheek into the rough surface of the roof. “Do you know how fragile a skull is? It wouldn’t take much more pressure than this to pop yours.” As if to emphasize his point, the kid put more of his weight on Joker’s head. Joker had often wondered at the pressure to crack open a skull, but usually he wasn’t the one in the vise.

The Bat imposter stood up for him then, but maybe that was just so he could drag Joker to his feet by his wrists. “Enough. He gets the point.”

Oh, Joker got the point, all right. No mercy.

Which meant they didn’t get any from him, either.

This wasn’t _his_ Batman. That meant he wouldn’t have to conveniently miss him with his toys. He wouldn’t make “mistakes” and get caught so often just to get close to the Caped Crusader.

Maybe if he killed this Batman, his own would return, ready to play and resume their relationship.

Only one way to find out.

“Get going!” Robin kicked him in the back of the knee, as if that was supposed to help him walk faster. Idiotic little twerp.

Joker reconsidered his earlier thoughts. This new Robin wasn’t any fun at all. His death would be quick. But this new Batman… There’d be great satisfaction in getting rid of him, oh yes indeed.

He couldn’t wait to get back to Arkham to plot.


End file.
